out/stretched/out

I lay on my bed and stretched out my arms, the extent of my reach catching the corners of the bed to grab the wooden slats…… imagining…. closing my eyes imagining…… being bound, tied to and held them….. just imagining…… and remembering………  my legs closed, at first, denying temptation………  my thoughts went to my hands and imagined, just imagined them touching me, fondling, crumpling my skirt, across my blouse, each button fastened but for how much longer…….  I lay for what seemed a kind of eternity, imagining, imagining company……..

I felt….. I felt my legs sliding over the sheet…… spread by invisible hands…. not mine, I knew but felt I wasn’t in control as I let them open feeling a sense of exposed, tingling, butterflies flitted inside me excitedly, apprehensively……. one hand reached down gathering now the cotton skirt teasing it up my legs, my thighs naked beneath, just as someone else would do to me if there was a someone else here……..  eyes held closed as I, or another, edged my skirt higher still until it no longer covered as it should but now was untidily bundled around my waist……. I imagined….. is someone watching?… if only… what if more some one?…… what if it was their hands, not mine…….. I imagined…… a glance to one side, a mirror sees me, watches me, where I lay just here, bound, tied and held… I imagined……… blue knickers concealing the more intimate me…. I was me and not me, I watch and am watched…. detached but immersed…….. another’s hand, other hands, undressing me…… I imagined…

bare legs, my stomach rising and falling, a hand discovered the buttons that one by one were released realising my nakedness beneath until being shed, defences undefended, bound, tied and held… the pink bra I slipped on this morning edged with fine lacework, balconette… a hand, my hand slipped along and down my cleavage and under the trim… my nipple soft, tender, sensitive, a thrill of signals triggered invisible spasms through and through my body… such demands, so demanding, my arching back, my lungs insisting a deeper breath….. I imagined………. another hand, mine, not mine, caressing my mound over the cotton, fingers delicately balancing, tracing, tempting, easily finding their way, the shape of me barely a thought away…. I imagined …….. the mirror looked on, it’s gaze willing, willing, willing further…..

wanting more… me or the mirror, or….. an urge surged like sinking in a bath of the perfect warmth enveloping, emboldening, sound becomes muted whispers, mine, not mine, become restive ….. legs spreading wider….. some other, me not me, opening me one knee raising naked, unhindered, offering…… I was offering?……. I imagined….. I am an offering on this altar of pure cotton, a carnal sacrifice to some one…. who sees, who touches, who’s drawing me down, hoping I’ll drown……..

gripping the slats their smooth wooden surety and guarantee I won’t be set free… not yet, not yet… feet spread to either edges of the bed…. accept, accept, accepting the hand, my hand, not my hand, inside my underwear guided by warmth, by yearning, by sin unrefined, undefined… I imagine… a sudden breath inhaled….. one hand guiding me, mine, making me, making me, making me…….  (say yes, say yes, say yes)…….

yes………….
loss of control my legs come together for a moment…. then spread once again, willing, unwilling… (say yes, say yes, say yes)….
yes………..

bound, tied, held, I imagine… fingers finding, deepening, opening, commanding, an invocation to moist elation…….. greedily, greedily, urging urgently, a wanting, a feeling, a taking, a sinking……. I imagine… imagine…no longer imagine…. here, I am here, I’ve been here, all along and so have you, so have them, closing my eyes while they’re opening theirs hungrily watching, wantonly claiming … I imagine….

lovers touching…. stripping me naked full on display, nowhere to hide, open confessions I crave to confide…. fingers, hands, breaths, lips, covering, coveting, coating, owning the moment and me, and me…… over the edge, crying, screaming, begging, redeeming, my body ecstatic, bound, held, tied… I imagine… imagining… opening eyes, the mirror looks on, my hands are not mine they are yours and yours and yours and yours…. bound… held…. tied.

© Emmaleela

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