shock and awe (the first bit)

I was 18, I should’ve known better. It wasn’t as though I was naïve nor was I an innocent, nor even a virgin but this party took me to a whole new level and was far and away out of what I normally thought was my comfort zone.

I went to a party with Phil, a friend, nice guy, trustworthy, a good laugh, the protective type, plays basketball as it happens. We’d had sex a few times a while back but weren’t a couple and never had been, just friends and good ones.

The party took place in a substantial detached suburban kind-of house, big garden, lots of people, many older than me but generally a mix of adult ages and of types of people too. For it I wore a blue pencil skirt, black tank top and a white & black rose-patterned loose linen jacket top (which sounds posh but isn’t), and black ankle boots. I felt good and wasn’t over-the-top smart, just tidily casual, I’d say.

Over the course of the evening I seemed to meet quite a few new people along with some more familiar which was fortunate as not knowing anyone can feel a little intimidating. A great deal of conversation, some interesting and some most definitely not bordering on banal: those I always quickly wheedled my way out of. Phil kept bringing me drinks, wine mostly, and even though I accepted them I didn’t drink them all making sure I had just enough to stay smiling. It helped that I had learned a while ago to eat intermittently while drinking as it helps avoid precipitable repercussions the morning after.

By the time midnight came around most party-goers had gone, home or onto other parties, clubs, wherever, leaving maybe 15 malingerers. The music tempo changed by now, happily less boom-boom and instead more intimate, trance-like, laid-back psychedelic. I was dragged up to dance even though by now I’d already done quite a bit on and off during the evening which had been in part to avoid dull chats, or chat-ups, with equally dull chatterers. Nevertheless, I surrendered and joined a few others in the middle of the spacious living room.

Predictably, and despite my weariness, I got into it as I adore dancing and in the meantime was joined by a guy who joined in. I smiled, he smiled, he was nice, smelled nice, not beery like some, or smoky. I was beginning to feel we were beginning a whole new party while gradually becoming more relaxed than I had been when there were more people. I began to feel a part of their scene finally, whatever that was. I found myself responding rhythmically to some Turkish-sounding music, the sort one might belly-dance too, though I’d never properly belly-danced before. It was the kind of music that suggests something ever-so slightly provocative, sensual, exciting and at the same time something secretive, hidden.

I was happy to let my body be taken by its hypnotic grooves.

I was now it appeared the only girl up and dancing and was soon joined again by another guy who came up behind me and rather presumptuously loosened my jacket for me from my shoulders, as though I’d requested so. I hadn’t removed it earlier, but now felt it slipping from my arms while the music continued to draw me into its mystery. So, I just let him remove it. It wasn’t a bad idea anyway and I definitely felt lighter now.

His hands came to rest on my waist from behind, again most presumptuous, but also again for some reason I didn’t mind. We swayed, perhaps a little flirtatiously but then the music did seem to encourage it. His hands slipped down over my hips, he held me there as I moved them from side to side to the mood of the sounds; he moved with me while I noticed those who weren’t dancing just watching, maybe entranced in their own way by this strange magic permeating the room.

I couldn’t see Phil in the room but I’d guessed he was somewhere in the house with another woman in some out-of-the-way quiet corner, or bed knowing him, playing out the night less publicly.

Someone commented on how the night seemed to finally be hotting up”. I smiled as it sort of was in a way, the atmosphere definitely more intimate in a room now with perhaps ten people at the most enjoying this change of pace.

An air of the flirtatious had clearly crept into the night, in a nice way, into this space and these people including me. It’s just a sense that filled the room. I opened my eyes and noticed one or two had merged into couples and were kissing and lightly fondling, though some perhaps closer to heavy-petting. Why not… I thought, it’s a party, we’re all grown-ups, no bad thing.

Hi hands still held my by the hips, I didn’t even know his name or couldn’t recall, pressing lightly against my pencil skirt which clung to my hips, we swayed. He slowly spun me around, then, just like in an old-fashioned, elaborate ‘excuse me’, a different man, whose name I also didn’t know but was too embarrassed to ask in case he’d already told me, took over from the first and placed his hands in the exact same place, on my hips as the danced continued. After a few minutes another guy also from behind, held my waist and swayed. At this point I began to feel I was being passed around. Not That I minded much, it felt good to be so freely accepted among people I mostly hardly knew at the start of the night. I simply enjoyed the mood, the attention, the rhythms, the beats.

Then came a whisper out of nowhere… perhaps we could take your top off?… for a moment I thought I’d misheard until there it was again like a voice in my head except it wasn’t, it was from the guy behind me. I opened my eyes, craned my neck with an awkward laugh and a look of… as if!

Then again, the same quiet tone…. seriously you should, we should, take it off…. It wasn’t threatening, demanding or even insisting, more just as though it was the most natural thing to drop into a conversation at this point of an evening.

I was slightly flabbergasted and definitely stuck for words, but I was very relaxed and simply replied … no it’s ok, but thanks anyway. Then I kicked myself: thanks!? For what? Stupid thing to say, even for me.

Then, as though he hadn’t heard me whispered again….. I really think you should. Look, others have so why not?…. and indeed one or two, mostly the girls actually, had removed their tops and were down to their respective bras.

While my brain was working out how to respond his voice again in my ear…. I can tell you like the idea, there’s no need to be shy, you’re among friends now. What worried me then was not so much what he said or asked but that I realised he seemed to have read my mind and I was considering it. Me, stripping off my shirt in public, or at least in front of the people here. What was I thinking!

No time had slipped by from that thought when I felt his fingers slip under my top raising it above my waist. At first I tried to sort of ease it back down but he kept pulling and whispering, almost seductively…. let me take it off for you then.

Again, to my shock I raised my arms as though under a spell and off came my black top inch by inch over my head from my arms. A wave of vulnerability and of being exposed went through me, though luckily I had on my black and blue, ribbon-laced bra. Off the shirt came being flung onto a chair well out of my reach.

At first I was a little overcome with embarrassment, his hands resting freely on the bare skin of my waist. He spun me around again and found myself in the arms of another man and pressed up against him; bra, breast and tummy. I was thankful for small mercy’s, for the low-light in the room, but all the same I noticed how others watched, almost expectantly, except for one couple totally engrossed in each other. I was still the only woman dancing, being passed around different hands.

The next guy pulled me close, facing him, feeling his breath on my cheek, his hands on my waist, down to my hips, over my skirt.

We danced and he ran his hands over the fabric of my skirt. I felt increasingly lost in a trance despite everything else, almost lured into a somnolence, not drugged, just light. His hands soon found their way over my buttocks and by then it was too late to have stopped him. Surreptitiously my skirt loosened around my waist. He’d unhooked the top fastening above the zip and now was precariously on my hips.

I considered reaching around and to say something but only got as far as… umm… He smiled looking down at me being that much taller and said he was merely hoping to make me more comfortable. At that moments I wasn’t sure how unfastening my clothing would do that. Admittedly, my brain wasn’t exactly taking it all in, what was going on, each new step happening so suddenly, unexpectedly, along with the hypnotic music and already being topless, though fortunately not braless, I had been caught off-guard. He then went on to suggest I take it off, my skirt, as though it was the most natural next thing to do, right here right now.

His intent stare burned through me, penetrating my irises and as he did so his fingers with remarkable stealth began lowering the zip. I was about to protest, but at the same time didn’t want to cause a fuss in someone else’s house. I was not sure about this at all. Regardless of what I was thinking the zip came all the way down, halfway down the back easily loosening the skirt by opening it showing off my knickers to all and sundry.

Let’s get this skirt off you then….

It clearly wasn’t a question as I felt it come away from my hips with his encouragement and as my arms were above his I couldn’t reach down to grab it. Too late, it dropped from my hips to crumple on the floor around my boots revealing my black with blue ribbon-trim bikini knickers. He manoeuvred me to step out of it and one of the women leaned over, scooped it off the floor and whisked it away well out of my reach.

See, that’s better isn’t it?… he continued with the soft reassuring voice.

Was it?… as now here I stood still swaying to the music in the middle of the room in just my underwear for all here to see, and all were seeing just fine I noticed with embarrassment. I was spun around again as though to give everyone an even better view of me. Smiles mostly greeted me while their eyes crawled all over me, girls and guys, looking not unlike a hungry pack of wolves having just found fresh prey.

In retrospect this was a good moment to have reclaimed my clothes and got out of there. But, I didn’t, somehow I couldn’t. I didn’t know what they were thinking but I glimpsed two other girls with guys attached were both topless, kissing, mutual fondling, but others mostly just watching, spectating me. For a moment I couldn’t tear my own gaze away from one couple. We were inadvertently indulging in mutual voyeurism. If I was dreaming do I wake myself up now or stay asleep?

I kept moving with the music not being sure what else to do in just in my bra and knickers, and of course oddly still wearing my ankle boots The first guy I that danced with me was there again moving with me, or moving me to the left and right in an almost pendulum sway. He stood behind holding firm almost as though showing me off to the room. In a sense maybe he was. Then a voice from somewhere enthusiastically said….

… remove your bra.

(…….. continued in “shock and awe (the second bit)“ ………….. )

© 2019 Emmaleela